The Diary With The Broken Lock

Jul 28, 2010

That's my mother's diary, one she kept from 1948 until she met my father in 1950. She wrote it during her junior and senior years in high school. I found it after she passed away in 2006, and it took me two years before I could bring myself to read it. 

When I finally did read it in July of 2008, I tapped into a whole new level of grief. The person who wrote that diary was someone I didn't know. She gave birth to me and raised me, but I didn't know her. In the diary, she used words like "Jeepers" and "Swell," words I never once heard her use during my life. She went swimming in water holes, went to roller skating parties and baked huckleberry pies. She killed rattlesnakes (yes more than one - shot them with a .22 rifle), worked as an usher for the class play and she dated - a lot. 

During that summer two years ago, I had another book brewing, Ambrosia Moon. The book I wanted to write was a departure from what had gone before. It still had the elements of relationship, love, self-discovery, and sexuality, which I strive for in all my work, but it also had something else, Katherine Robinson. Katherine is a fifty-something heroine, and I do mean heroine. When she realizes she's lost her way, she goes on her version of a Shamanic journey into the Adirondacks to retrace the long road she'd walked. Little does she know what's waiting for her in the mountains.

The experience of reading my mother's diary wedged itself into my head and heart. That's when Ambrosia Moon welcomed another character, Katherine's mother Adelaide. She joined a cast of characters that already included Ben and Ryan, Tom and Shelly, Gail and Rose. The lives of these people intertwine and overlap, with Adelaide's presence felt by all. 

The story took on dimensions I hadn't planned, but were certainly an expansion of the story I wanted to tell. The story is multi-generational, and explores the choices we make during our lives, and shows there are choices yet to be made. 

Ambrosia Moon is an E-Book. There is a reason for that. Because this is women's fiction more than anything else, and because the protagonist is in her fifties, mainstream publishers were gun shy. My story didn't fit a niche for them, so I took my book and put it on the Internet. It is available for anyone who wants to read Katherine's journey, and maybe glimpse a little of their own. 

This process has been my own shamanic journey, one I'm glad I made. Just as Katherine discovered she had untapped strength, so did I. Take a walk in the Adirondack Mountains with Katherine. It's a beautiful place to be. 


P.F. Kozak 

Ambrosia Moon excerpt posted here 

E-Book availability is here

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  1. Read your book and enjoyed it immensely. Your right, it was a different journey, but encouraging at the same time. Thank you.

    — Debbie    Aug 25, 02:42 AM